On Skipping Church...
Pastor Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to lead the service for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Pastor Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Pastor Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
We guess he "can't feel the heat!"
Need new balls? These are ROCK HARD.
IS THIS HOW IT IS??
“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
- P.J. O’Rourke
“Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.”
- Martha Beckman
“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.”
- Pete Dye
“If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
- Lee Trevino
“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
- Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.”
- Phil Blackmar
“Golf is not a game, its bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.”
- Jim Murray
“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”
- Mac O’Grady, describing a typical round of golf
“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.”
- Ben Hogan
“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”
- Unknown Golfing Poet
“What’s nice about our tour is you can’t remember your bad shots.”
- Bob Bruce, about the senior tour
“It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.”
- Mark Twain
“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”
- Anxious Working Man
“If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.”
- Every Golfer I Know
“The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.”
“Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.”
- Some Guy
Parts of this article are from http://www.golfnewstalk.com/funny-golf-quotes-and-hilarious-golf-one-liners/